On Being New

I don't know what to write yet, so I'll post a title at the end of these musings. I had contemplated a compilation of observations I've been making about Florida, but the list was a little pallid. I need to give myself more time in this new state and this new state more time with me in it. And I had contemplated another journal-copy, but that seemed like cheating. And so when stuck here, so as not to strike out on posting for months on end, I will tell you (whoever you may be at this moment) about a short outing we took today that is worth remembering. Not for its sake per se, but for the thoughts I've had about it since.

I had a pre-arranged phone chat with an old friend as we drove 22 minutes from our temporary condominium (I never ever thought my address would be a condo...but it's only for a few months and it's been good to us) to our new University. Andrew was going to be out late inspiring young minds to not electro-cute themselves on their film sets...a.k.a. lighting equipment workshop...so I figured the girls should see him at least for a few minutes today and I've been wanting to meet some of his students and colleagues. ANYWAY, my phone call. I hadn't talked to this friend since I answered her call back in mid-April and she listened through my weeping about being over-due with Caroline. And so she loved me today again through questions. How was the move? How's the new job? How's schooling? How's Caroline? How are you amidst the fact-answers? It was an incredible gift to be heard. It was also surprisingly lovely to recount the last few months. There are many days of my life which I need not ever recount. Days of sorrow. Days of mediocrity. Days of illness. Days of impatience. Days that have slipped by that I can't remember one specific instance from. But sharing out loud the narrative of our recent transition was cathartic today...and I'm an "introvert"! Coloring outside of our individual lines is good at times, isn't it?

Coming off a phone call feeling known and walking onto a campus of most-things-new felt a bit paradoxical, intimidating, even. We've been on campus a number of times, but it's been evenings and weekends, so we haven't experienced the bustle and energy of young students and we sure stood out in the crowd. I found myself again grateful for my daughters to talk to and interact with. They bolster me without ever knowing it often. This time it was that new-ness again. It is quite a hurdle to run into (not over) again and again just now. In my overly-sensitized state I was overly touched by a very simple interaction. We were wandering through the breezeway past Andrew's office building waiting, fairly aimlessly, for the right time to meet up with daddy when an older gentleman walked by and asked if I needed help finding someone. I explained our situation as we continued slowly walking to nowhere, really, and when he heard that we were new it felt like he changed his entire posture to the moment. He stopped and just talked to us. He asked the girls their names very specifically and when he couldn't hear Sophie's response he bent down right close to her as she repeated herself. He told me a bit about himself (a professor here for over a decade) and then made sure he had our names correct, welcomed us again and walked away. It was no more than 5 minutes. The girls went on talking to the darting lizards in the greenery and I smiled at Caroline. We still didn't quite know what to do or where to go, but I felt welcomed and it was significant and I will strive to emulate Professor Copan, in that small regard, whenever it is possible with me.

That's it for now.