Beloved Burden

I cried on Monday for the first time in awhile. I was just trying to get out the door to run a bevy of food-related errands along with the rest of the neighborhood and I got overwhelmed by nothing in particular and everything in general. My sensitive 7 year old was very concerned as we drove away with me swallowing back my choked tears. When she asked how to help I realized this really wasn't her burden to carry. And I explained that. Granted, I have (somewhat) high expectations for my children...they carry their fair share of responsibility and knowledge in the days that make up our lives. But I also ponder a decent amount about the beauties and freedoms and naivete and innocence that (should) make childhood so rich. Rich in hearts that are light and imaginations that aren't impeded by, well, anything really. And so my 7 year old doesn't need to carry my burdens about a house stuck in perpetual chaos, relational woes, and conflicting inner dialogue running it's course and touching on everything from "can I serve a Thanksgiving meal without green beans?" to "why didn't I plant those tulip bulbs yet??" to "I hate the tunnel traffic!" A true morass...and that smattering is on the light side. These times of bubbling over are something I'm not a stranger to. I process inwardly, so oftentimes tears are easier than spoken words, but I digress.

There is much that has happened in the months that have walked on. But the most notable is the fact that I'm pregnant. A delightful 19 weeks. That certainly needed to be written to be able to move on with accurate referencing and such. Today I am well. For the months of September and October, wellness was not in the cards. Oh the waking to a foreign, nauseated body day after day in that first trimester. I'd much rather take the physical foreign nature...this abdomen swelling fast and tight and a general roundness taking up residence...everywhere. It's a miracle again. I'm reading a wonderful book of letters written to a new mother called, Great With Child by Beth Ann Fennelly. I'll be sharing from it here eventually so I thought I'd introduce it. Since this adventure was a bit of a surprise, and since my last pregnancy began over 5 years ago I'm finding it quite helpful to embrace pregnancy this time (almost) as if it were my first time, but I get the enormous bonus of experience. My Sophie turns 5 years old tomorrow. I knew it would happen eventually, her birthday falling on Thanksgiving day, but I feel particularly blessed by it this year. It is a good and joyous thing to immerse myself in Thankfulness with a specific bent toward my daughter's life.

I made a pumpkin pie and an apple crisp today with the help of both my children. We also ventured out in the definition of blustery to scavenge some pine cones to help with decor for tomorrow. We will host a small feast of turkey-day classics after aebleskivers in the morning for the birthday girl. I do so enjoy food with the rightest motivation to delve in with people you love. Thankful.